It’s Not Chaos; It’s Composition
Complete disorder and confusion. Chaos.
My daughter twisted this rubberband in her hair so badly that when she tried to pull it out it became chaos. The hair mangled in the twisted rubber was a maze of mess. I delicately (and sometimes not so delicately) attempted to untangle the chaos. Examining the strands woven in and out at every angle, it is not even clear how the disorder even occurred. The confusion was so impossible, that my best course of action was to just cut the hair. It was too chaotic.
I had a work season that felt like chaos. As I approached each day of work, I had a plan, but I knew that it was unlikely that my plan would be planning. Each day I went to work, I knew I was going into chaos. I could have people not show up or quit, I could have several conflicts that would ensue simultaneously, I could get messages flooding my inbox and phone. Demands were high, and the environment was unstable. Emotions of each person I managed were all over the place. Each day I drove home, I felt a sense of accomplishment for mere survival.
Personal chaos is just as tumultuous. Looking at finances, decisions, diagnosis, and relationships but feeling complete confusion: I just have no idea how this is going to work out. There are too many things to pray for. Too many unknowns. Too many situations that are demanding my attention or my patience. Anxiety increases because I can’t see the end. I can’t see the path. It feels like the path is just weaving me around like that hair tangled in the rubberband. I want to just cut out the chaos, but I can’t cut out my life. So I just sit and examine the chaos attempting to determine what is my best and most reasonable course of action. How do I move forward in the disorder and confusion?
Genesis 1:1-1 “In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth. Now the earth was formless and empty, darkness was over the surface of the deep, and the Spirit of God was hovering over the waters.”
The Hebrew word used with formless and empty refers to “chaotic nothingness”. I heard it described as if you took nothing and put it in a blender and then mixed it up – that is what the earth was. And God did not look at the chaotic nothingness and say, “What am I going to do? This is impossible.” This was no problem for God, this was not chaos to Him. And He had calculated commands and methodical modes of operation. And He orchestrated creation. He created the light and the seas and the sky and the land first. Then, in the subsequent days, He filled them. He did not fill it with chaos, there was an order to every part of creation. A life cycle of a cactus, a bee, and even a star. There are underground rivers and even under-ocean channels that bring order and sense even if we can not see or understand. Over the course of history, we have slowly unpacked the compositions of an all-powerful God. There is systemization, regulation, and organization in every structure He made. There is a purpose for my nose hair and there are multiple intentions for the composition of tree bark.
God is not looking at what I see as chaos and saying – “wow, what a mess.” He has already ordered the infrastructure of my life.
“A person’s steps are directed by the LORD. How can anyone understand their own way?” (Proverb 20:24)
I might not understand, just like Adam did not understand that his heart and breath would happen automatically and cause life at a cellular level carrying oxygen and nutrients throughout his entire body. But the web of veins and arteries has complete order. Just because I don’t understand it, doesn’t mean that order does not exist.
It is not chaos to God. It is a composition. He is the composer and the director. Thank goodness! Because when I look at the chaotic nothingness – I can do nothing. I get anxious and freak out. I am paralyzed. I am crying – what next? But He doesn’t.
So what? Now what? I still don’t know what to do. It still looks and feels like chaos to me!
First, I trust – let God be God. I know He is good, I know He is of order, I know He is the composer. There is nothing in Him that is chaotic or unknown or outside of His circle of influence. Second, I can do one thing. Pull one thread, wake up one day, pray one prayer, take one step. Each one thing I do is directed by the LORD. Even if I don’t understand it, it is not chaotic movement. It is part of the composition.